I’ll be moving back to Wales in May, where I have to leave university behind, be a proper adult and find a job. I’m feeling sad about growing up and leaving university, for a number of reasons. First, I really love my academic work. I spent the first two years of my degree hating theology and wishing I’d chosen something else, but when I got to third year, everything fell into place. I think it was a combination of my mental health improving, feeling less like an academic imposter who’d made her way into university by some fluke, and interesting modules being offered (or should I say, modules being offered that were to my interest). I’ll be so sad to leave it all behind.
Second, my social life has improved significantly in 3rd year, which makes it all the more difficult to realise that it’ll be shortly coming to an end. Last night I went out for drinks and Japanese food with some of my classmates and our lecturer, and it just broke my heart to think that I’ll never get to sit by these people and chat to them again; that the next time I will see them will be graduation day, if I see them again at all.
Third, I’m terrified of being an adult and being forced to enter the real world. I can fill my days quite easily reading, writing, and doing crafty things. I dread to think what my life will be like when I’m working 5 days a week, with no energy left in the evenings to do anything other than veg out in front of the TV.
Of course, there are lots of things about university life that I’ll be glad to leave behind – the awkward seminars, co-habiting with other students, the fatigue, and being broke.
I don’t really feel like a theology graduate… I still feel like I’ve cheated my way to the end of the degree by taking lots of disparate modules that don’t fit together, and not really learning what I’m “supposed” to learn as a theology student. But then, a lot of theology students have said the same thing when I’ve spoken to them about it, so maybe I’m just expecting too much of myself.
As for what comes next, I’m still unsure. To be honest, I’d quite like to spend a few months building myself up, emotionally and physically, by catching up on my reading, exercising, writing more zines, finish recording my album, play some gigs, and trying to find friends in my hometown. I’m keen to throw myself into my music for a few months and seeing where that takes me.
Spill the Zines is still going strong, and we’re getting lots of visitors every week. I posted my first zine review post there yesterday. Please keep emailing us your zine-related news at spillthezinesukATgmailDOTcom!