Sometimes I talk too much. Or not enough. I’m not sure which.Posted by blatantblithe on February 13, 2011 Blog posts | Personal | Social | University | | No comments
Hank came over this Valentine’s Day weekend. We saw the new film True Grit at the cinema (one of the IMDB Top 250 films, so it counted towards my 101 Things in 1001 Days project), went out for a romantic meal in the city centre, went for a walk along the canal, and cuddled in bed watching You’ve Got Mail. He also bought be a bouquet of purple flowers. Ah, love. <3
But the thing that satisfied me the most this weekend? I just talked and talked and talked. I feel as if so much has happened in the past two months that I’m really needing to find an outlet for all this pent-up frustration and, in some cases, excitement. And sadly, most of those things aren’t suitable for a public discussion, so zines and blog posts are no longer tenable options to drain my brain into! I kept apologizing to Hank for talking so much, but he was a sweetheart and told me that he loved to hear me talk, and it made a change from him talking all the time.
We talked about my plans after graduation, my developing friendships, my decaying relationships with other people, the difficulties in my home life, my degree, and my improving mental health. My, my, my, I know. I’m going to allow myself to be selfish a little more often nowadays. I think it’s healthy for women to allow themselves to just get it all out once in a while.
One thing that I needed to talk about was the fact that I almost ran for a position on my Student’s Union exec (something that IS okay to discuss in public!). I had never considered the possibility of running before, because I automatically assumed that I could never do something like that, discounting my abilities without even thinking about it. But recently, I’ve been feeling a lot better about my capabilities, so much so that I thought “Fuck it, why don’t I give it a go and run?” On Thursday, I went to a NUS Women’s Campaign training day in London called “I Will Lead the Way” with three other women from the Women’s Network committee, all of which I didn’t know very well. The workshops were all about leadership training and how to run a campaign. I had a fantastic time, and got on really well with the committee members. I even had a bit of a chat with a few other women there from other universities, which was lovely (but very scary)! This bolstered my self-esteem even more, and made me feel like I should run, not only because I’d give it a good fucking go and throw myself into the role, but also because women are under-represented in our SU exec. What if I ran for the position of President, I thought to myself? How incredible would that be, to have a female President of the SU for the first time in years?! Yeah, my thoughts ran away with me a bit, but still… I wanted to do it, and I wanted to improve my public speaking and leadership skills enough to be a brilliant executive… and that was a fantastic feeling.
As it turns out, the training day actually revealed that I wouldn’t be able to win a place on exec in the elections, as I don’t have a single person to support me on my campaign who isn’t an elected SU officer, or running for a position. If I were to run a successful campaign, I’d need to be campaigning every single day for 2 weeks, from 8am until gone midnight in the student clubs. For that to work, I’d need a campaign manager and a big campaign team to help me put up posters, talk to people in various places, hold up banners, wear my campaign t-shirts and badges, etc. And I don’t have a single person who is in a position to do that for me! That made me very very sad for a little while… but I’m over it now. I’m choosing to evaluate this experience in a positive way – I feel that I want to do something like this, and even though I knew full well that the campaign and the job would be difficult, I was willing to work for it.
So recently I’m feeling more powerful and capable than I have for years. God knows I’m gonna need it to deal with some of the shit that I’m having to deal with recently.
Zine Update: Here. In My Head. #7 / Your Pretty Face is Going Straight to Hell! #14 will be ready in time for the Brighton Zine Fest next weekend, where Miss Tukru will be tabling. If you’re going, do pick up a copy from her! Also, my minizine Twt #3 is finished and printed – if you want a free copy, get in touch!
Music Update: the free download of Gimme a Cure is still available at Bandcamp! Download it and make me a happy lady please!