Halloweeeeeeen!Posted by blatantblithe on November 1, 2010 Blog posts | Personal | | 6 comments
Great things about being a goth #132: celebrating Halloween. 😀
My flatmates and I decorated the house for Halloween with lots of ghoulish awesomeness.
We carved pumpkins!
I bloody love Halloween. To get into the spirit of it, I watched a load of Buffy reruns on YouTube. It reminded me of being 13. 🙂
Anyway. Things are good recently. I’m keeping on top of all my work (a bit behind on dissertation reading, but I’m trying not to let it get me down), currently working on an essay on the norms of feminine appearance for my feminist philosophy module, and going to all the Women’s Network events that are running, including the fortnightly feminist reading group. I’m making an effort socially, although it’s still difficult, and I still have a fairly bad case of social anxiety that refuses to budge.
I managed to get free counselling again in uni! My first session is next week, and it’s with the same lady that my last lot of sessions were with, which is great. I also went to see a doctor last week about my depression and my prescription, and she was really nice, recommending that I take up exercise, eat well, and come and see her as often as I need to. Much nicer than my previous male doctors, who doubted that my depression couldn’t be cured by “getting out of the house”. I had to pay £7.20 for November’s dosage of fluoxetine though. Boo hiss.
On a separate note, I try not to let this blog descend into a self-pitying mess, as my journal sometimes does… but I wanted to share one of my week’s tweets with you, because I want to know what you think:
Basically, there are some people in my life I really like, and it’s in my nature to be very friendly and attached. I just like spending time with people who are nice for a change, but I’m just so terrified of scaring people away! One of my biggest fears is being labelled “annoying”, and the fear of being called annoying is usually much stronger than the fear of being lonely. So I retreat. And recently, I’ve been thinking about how frustrating this is. What is it about me that makes me more annoying than anyone else? I don’t really know, but I can’t shake the feeling that people must be inherently frustrated and annoyed at me constantly. Hank will ask me: what would people find annoying about you? And I answer: it doesn’t matter. If people want to bitch about me, then by god they’ll find something to bitch about. Too quiet. Too talkative – she talks crap. Too depressed. Spends too much time in front of the TV. Spends too much time in the house. Can’t cook. Looks a mess. Her jokes are terrible. Her clothes are terrible. Get out of our hair already!
I could rant about this for ages, about where my low self-esteem stems from and why I feel this way, blah blah blah, but I don’t think anyone needs to hear that. So basically, I wanted to ask you guys this: where do you draw the line between being friendly, and being annoying?*
Music Update: The free single is on its way. Also building the swanky new website (Saara has updated the website this week, and has listed all my zines on the shop page so you can buy them directly from there – check it out, she’s done a great job!). Thanks for being patient!
101 Things Update: On Wednesday, Alice and I went to see The Nutcracker in the Royal Centre Nottingham! It was really wonderful; I’ve never been to a ballet before. I had a lovely time, and it was nice to spend some girl time together. <3 I also baked a pumpkin cake on Thursday! The recipe involved treacle, and I didn’t really like how it turned out, so I’m going to try and make another pumpkin cake again soon using a different recipe.
* – yes, I realise that by posting this, I might be scaring away people who hadn’t considered that I was annoying before. I’m going ahead and posting it anyway, because:
a) Hardly no one is reading this right now, and
b) Those of you who are reading are probably not that fickle. 🙂