Keeping BusyPosted by blatantblithe on June 18, 2010 Blog posts | Personal | | One comment
Since my last entry, I’ve been back to see my GP and he’s prescribed me prozac for my depression. He said it would take 2 weeks to kick in, and I need to go back then to let him know how I’m getting on. He’s also referred me to get some free counselling while I’m at home. I’m still not 100% sure that I need the medication, but my parents and Hank are very keen for me to try them out, because they’re sick of seeing me so miserable and self-deprecating all the time. I also found out that someone close to me has been taking antidepressants recently, so I should give them a go because she seems to be getting on with them just fine.
One big side effect of my depression is a complete lack of energy and motivation, which leads to me spending days on end avoiding work and watching far too much TV. I’m trying to force myself to do productive things, like reading books for university, and practising the piano, but it’s really hard to do so, mainly due to the fact that I can’t focus on anything for an extended period of time. I haven’t done any uni work since being at home; every time I think of going back to university and making a start on my dissertation, I start to panic. I feel like such a fraud, as if I’ve cheated my way into my third year. I’m also completely uncreative, and haven’t written any new songs for months (well, I finished off an old song last month, but I’ve yet to finish off the lyrics, which is worrying, as I’m hoping to put the song on the album). That’s the worst part, I think, the sheer lack of productivity. It makes me feel so useless and lazy, even though I know it’s the illness that’s making me act this way.
But things have been a little better for me since my last entry. I’ve been trying to keep busy, doing mostly mundane things like grocery shopping, visiting and tending to the family graves, gardening, cleaning, and filling in forms.
I’m also working my way through a book on feminist philosophy, which is heavy but interesting.
On Saturday, I went to see a production of The Buddy Holly Story with Hank and our friend John, as our good friend Dan was playing the lead! I wasn’t keen on the show, but Dan put on a great performance. I had a lovely evening, and John asked me to sing on a few of his songs over the summer, which is scary but exciting.
Hank and I had a nice time earlier this week using our new paddling pool! 😀
We went for a walk with my parents and my baby cousin to Pembrey Country park last week (before the Beach Break Festival thing kicked off).
Yesterday we took my dog Toby for a haircut, and he looked ever so handsome afterwards! We took him for a walk on the beach, which was nice. I do find that having Toby around makes me feel a lot better. Perhaps I should have a dog instead of a baby when I’m older, I think I’d be a better pet owner than a parent!
As you can tell, I’m more comfortable behind the camera lens!
Things with my granddad have been very up and down – he was awake 2 days ago and on the road to recovery, but now he’s contracted sepsis, so things aren’t looking very good. I’m very upset about all this, as I’m very close to my granddad… but what can I do? Death is an inevitability, and I need to accept that my loved ones won’t be around forever.
Zine Update: I’m all out of copies of Here. In My Head. #4, and I have 2 copies each of #2 and #3 (both of which are going out of print, so if you want copies of those issues, get in touch!). I’m going to find a cheap print shop at home, as soon as I get the energy to phone around. I haven’t actually written anything for my zine for weeks, but I’m hoping to get some writing done next week.