Theology, Stress, and The Future

Posted by blatantblithe on May 17, 2010 Blog posts | Personal | University | Zines | | No comments

Hank came to visit me in Nottingham this weekend, which was quite nice, but he brought his uni work with him so we spent most of our time working rather than spending quality time together.  He’s currently working on his end-of-year group project where he has to write and record a song, make a music video, and create a production company to go with it all, which involves making a CD, a DVD, a poster, a list of accounts, and some other things I’m sure I’ve missed out.  I’ll post the finished music video here when they’re done – they’re doing a stop motion music video, so it’s going to look awesome.
Hank and I didn’t really talk as much as I wanted to this weekend.  Hank’s been really busy with his project for the past month, so I haven’t really spoken to him properly for weeks.  He promised me he’d make it up to me when we both go home for the summer, and he said he’d treat me to a meal at Eddie Rocket’s Diner, my favourite restaurant.  I don’t mind too much about this weekend, because I know his uni work means a lot to him, and at least this way I got some revision done too (although I wasn’t very productive due to the amount of time I spent cleaning up and cooking – oh, the shame).  But it would’ve been nice to spend some quality time together.  Oh well, we’re both hoping to be home in Wales before the end of May, as we’re hoping to go to the London Zine Symposium together from Llanelli on the 29th May.   The only thing that’s holding me back is my dissertation – I’m supposed to submit the title of my dissertation before I go home for the summer, and I’m feeling really worried about it all.  I’m currently working my way through a book called The Cambridge Companion to Feminist Theology, but it’s quite a heavy book and I’m finding it really difficult to get through.  Yesterday I emailed someone asking them to be my dissertation supervisor, so things are getting serious now.  I’m so worried about next year. :/

I’ve also recently been worried about my future career (because, alas, full-time musician isn’t very practical).  I went to see a Careers Advisor again on Friday, and we had a chat about my career choices.  I told her that I wanted to do an MA in gender studies, and I was thinking about working in the charity sector.  She recommended that I do some volunteer work over the summer, so I’m going to google charities and women’s organisations in Swansea and see what I can come up with.  I’ve since looked on the Prospects website (it’s a pretty good starting point if you’re feeling overwhelmed by career options), and according to them the charity sector is very competitive, so much so that postgraduate study is seen as a good way to set yourself apart from the crowd.  Well, that’s a good sign because I can do my MA guilt-free (I don’t want to waste another year in education if it’s going to be useless), but apart from an MA, some Women’s Network committee experience, and some casual volunteer experience, I won’t have much valuable experience so I may find it hard to get a job.  I keep thinking of all the people on the SU Exec, or the rep officers at the SU, and I think I’ll never be able to compare to them in the job market. :(
I’m trying to stay positive and tell myself that, worst comes to worst, I can either be an RS lecturer in college (not a school, because I’d NEVER be able to deal with teaching in schools), or I can do some sort of admin work in the local government, which I was quite good at last summer.  I’d actually really like to be an academic and do a PhD, but I don’t think I’m intelligent enough for that. :/

I haven’t been feeling so good recently.  It’s so weird, it feels as if I’ve put my feelings on a shelf until the end of my exams and I’m incapable of feeling very much for the meantime.  My counselling sessions have been so difficult to get through recently; my head feels so fuzzy.  I keep trying to articulate how I feel about certain things (the article I’m Kate Fucking Harding has been buzzing around in my head for about 2 weeks now) and I just can’t.  I think I’ve been feeling so emotionally overwhelmed and mentally exhausted for the past few weeks that my emotions have temporarily shut themselves off, and all I can feel is a general sense of dread and worry.  As soon as I come up with a vague plan for my dissertation I’ll feel a lot better, I think.

Zine Update: Amber Forrester reviewed Here. In My Head. #4 on her blog – you can check it out here. I wanted to get issue 5 of my zine out by the end of May so I could get it printed cheaply at the university print shop, but I’ve got loads of uni work to do before the end of term, including revision and sorting out my dissertation.  I don’t have time to write a good enough zine, so I’m afraid I’ll have to leave it for a while!  I’m going to search out some print shops in Wales that will hopefully be around the same price as the university print shop, but if I can’t find any cheap ones, I won’t be able to print any more zines.  If that is the case, I think I’ll make two issues over the summer and get them both printed and distributed in September alongside each other.  I’m going to try to make a zine for the 24 Hour Zine Thing this year too, so I might have three issues by September!

Ooh, also – I’ve decided I’m going to start reviewing zines on this blog rather than start a whole new blog, and I’ll try to review zines regularly.  I won’t start doing it yet, because I’m in the midst of the exam period, but I’ll start real soon.  If you want me to review your zine, send me an email at contactATcatherineelms.co.uk! :)

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